As you read this, I’m enjoying the company of my friend Elaine Mansfield. Many of you will recognize her name from comments she frequently makes here, or from my Facebook page. She flew down from New York to spend a few days with me before she goes on to Tampa where she’ll be presenting a workshop for a small fraction of the half million women who lose spouses each year. While she’s here, we’re planning a new workshop on grief.
At the age of 35 I had a wonderful family, good health, a comfortable lifestyle, and a master’s degree: everything a woman could want. Right? You’d think so. But I felt painfully unfulfilled. What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I just be happy? I felt like an ungrateful wretch.
Mama got a job working nights at the hospital. She slept during the day while Daddy was at work and Jimmy was at school, so I entertained myself. I got so accustomed to being alone that once when a little girl asked me to come out and play, I wouldn’t go. She bit my hand and ran away! I couldn’t imagine what her problem was.
I’m so happy to be back in the mountains. I love the weather, the trees, the birds, the rushing creek, the flowering bushes. The beauty.
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Lovely, Jean. I’ve shared it with Debbi, who is embarked on a care of the dying program, and volunteers regularly @ Hospice of the Chesapeake as a companion. This is over & above her day job at the same organization–she’s the only employee who does it.
Thanks, Skip. Debbi would love Elaine, and vice versa. They’re both kind people who care, and they show it with their words and actions. This mindful way of being, when combined with honest reflection on one’s inner life, is a spiritual practice. In fact, I would say it’s THE spiritual practice.
Thank you for mentioning Elaine’s book; I added it to my wish list when you referenced it a while back, and I’ve moved it to the top of my list. While my husband and I are currently well, I still read books on losing a spouse; one is because I find them helpful when a friend or family member is in this terrible situation (as with many situations, reading a memoir of someone’s experience can create greater empathy towards others in a similar one), and, two, because when my dad died in 2008, my mom formed a support group for widows (called Sisters in Support) at her church, so I keep them in mind if I read a book they might find helpful. I can imagine that you are correct when you said: “A big factor that undoubtedly influenced the patience and kindness these two consistently showed each other through their ordeal was their mutual desire for psychological and spiritual growth.” Deep thanks to Elaine for writing the book. Blessings!
Thank you, Darla. I agree about the value of reading an excellent book about losing a spouse whether or not you have had this experience. How wise was your mother to have formed a support group for widows! I think they are greatly needed. Elaine and I hope to be able to plant the seeds for such groups when we do our workshops on grief. I’ll pass on your blessings to Elaine! Jeanie
Thank you so much for this, Jeanie. You gave me a beautiful unexpected gift. Thanks also to Skip and Darla for your comments.
Skip, Debbie is doing something wonderful for the world. Dealing with loss in an honest and conscious way was a spiritual and depth psychological process for me. Vic and I were supported by Jungian and mythological work during his illness and that’s continued after his death.
Darla, what a great thing for your mom to do. The book is appropriate for people of any tradition. I’m doing something new this month and giving the “sermon” at a Unitarian Church in February. Another church is arranging a date. These talks will be based on my TEDx talk, “Good Grief! What I Learned from Loss.” The 17-minute video of the talk is another resource for dealing with loss of any kind. You can find it at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBzEwf1k59Y I hope you enjoy it.
I feel that ‘Leaning into Love’ is at core a love story of two people who tried to make a conscious relationship with life, each other, and death. It’s about death, but even more about life and love and finding a way to grow during the hardest of times.
I’m supposed to be with Jean in FL tonight, but my plane was canceled. I’ll be there on Tuesday morning, dancing in the sunshine. It’s been a wicked month in upstate New York. Off I go to finish packing.
You’re most welcome, Elaine. Leaning into Love is a true treasure much needed by today’s world.
Thank you Jean for highlighting this. It sounds a wonderful book. Interestingly it was highlighted on another post in a different way. Kindness, honesty, courage and more … so many qualities that CAN be learned by reading such a book and being aware of all our frailties in this troubled world.
Thank you, Susan. Yes, it helps to be reminded of our humanity in the midst of so much inhumanity.
P.S. I’ve just checked out Victor Mansfield’s book on Synchronicity .. thanks for providing the link.
My pleasure!
Susan, Vic loved synchronicity and had frequent experiences. I’ve enjoyed how my new book has stimulated interest in his books. We always supported each other’s work and it continues on. Thanks for visiting my blog, too, in our small on-line world.