I’ve been putting myself under a lot of pressure lately to think and write practically non-stop! Aargh! The pressure! So today I’m going to write about the first thing that pops in my head. No pressure. Just open up and let the ideas flow. Wait! I had a thought… Oops. I forgot it in the pressure to finish this sentence! Okay, breathing in, breathing out. Random thoughts: It’s a cool gray windy day and the Spanish moss is doing a graceful dance in the bald cypress trees outside my window. I’d like to be out there. I need to take a walk. Good idea! Be back later!
I’m back! I haven’t taken my walk yet because I remembered the thought I forgot. It was a dream I had last night that left me feeling awful when I awoke this morning. In the dream I’m in my house—a huge, beautiful, open, contemporary house with big rooms and high ceilings that’s nothing like the one I really live in—and have just realized I have guests arriving in twenty minutes for a birthday party I’m throwing for Barbra Streisand! After I send Fred out to buy ice and a birthday cake, I realize the caterers haven’t arrived, I have no snacks, the house is a mess, and I’m not dressed for the party! I rush around tidying up, then remember I never mailed the invitation to Barbra Streisand because I didn’t know her address. I feel so stupid!
Friends are arriving and delivery men are carrying large boxes through a huge open doorway. Outside I see nothing but a construction site with piles of sand, planks of wood and building supplies. Inside, helpful friends are unpacking the boxes and unwrapping treasures I’d forgotten we’d bought in Indochina. I follow them to a gallery on the far side of the house that I didn’t know was there. Our friends have artfully displayed the items on pedestals, tables, and shelves in intimate rooms under softly glowing lights. I’m delighted with this space, thrilled to see the brightly woven baskets, gorgeous patterned textiles, antique bronze temple bells, soft hand-embroidered clothing, and exquisite ethnic jewelry. Then I remember I can’t stay to enjoy this because my guests have nothing to drink and I’m still not dressed for the party. As I rush back to the main house I feel very frustrated with myself for being so disorganized, confused, and unprepared.
My dream depicts how I’ve been feeling lately. Normally I leave myself plenty of time for inner work which keeps the house of my psyche in good order. But I’ve been doing so much outer work that my inner house is a disorganized mess. (Actually my outer house is kind of a mess too.) And I don’t look so hot either. (This is a persona concern about how others are perceiving me.) I don’t even have time to enjoy some exotic treasures that have recently arrived to beautify some unknown inner galleries. (I’d really like to know more about that! What am I missing?) Obviously my outlook on life is still under construction! But what’s the deal about Barbra Streisand?
This dream did me a favor by bothering me enough to take me away from my work. Because I spent some time with it, I think I understand part of my problem and how to solve it. Plus I wrote this post! I’m feeling much better already! So now I’m going outdoors for a dose of Mother Nature’s restorative beauty.
P.S. I took these pictures on my walk. The neighbor’s goldens were swimming in the nearby lake, those are lemon blossoms from our new tree (Yum! Limoncello this summer!) and this is the high school crew team training.