“. . . when our left and right brain work in harmony, we begin to access our deeper Self and feel its guidance and support. The vehicle of our right brain and much of our deeper Self is symbolized by what we often think of as “the heart.” Our symbolic heart is an organ of vision, a way of seeing that can help our intellect to look below the surface of things. There we can see the meaning in the events in our lives and be strengthened by them.” ~Bud Harris Ph.D. Radical Hope and the Healing Power of Illness. p. 74
My cardiologist entered the cubicle slowly, as if weary. It couldn’t have been later than 9:00 a.m. We’d arrived for the angiogram at 6:00. He leaned against the wall and studied the papers in his hands. What was he waiting for? It occurred to me that maybe he was looking for the right words to say something he didn’t look forward to saying.
Fred watched him expectantly from the chair where he sat at the foot of the hospital bed against the opposite wall. Physically, I was surprisingly comfortable, sitting up and leaning back against a soft pillow. I’d been moved off the metal table and back onto the bed to recover from the anesthetic. Mentally I was on high alert, glancing back and forth between Fred and my doctor. This was not his usual manner. Something was up. Whatever it was, I was ready to hear it.
Finally he said, “Well, I have some news, and I’m afraid it’s not good.” The procedure had confirmed that at least two of my aortas were dangerously blocked. One about 75%. The other, more than 90%. I needed double bypass surgery. Soon.
Here it is, I thought. The other shoe. It’s my turn now. Okay then. A sense of acceptance settled over me. It was as if my Self has been preparing me for this my whole life. When I was ten, my absentee father divorced my mother then soon died of his third heart attack. He was only 45. My mother’s heart didn’t attack her. It simply gave out peacefully a few days before her 94th birthday. I witnessed her final exhale.
“I have come to realize that, in their fundamental nature, the illnesses we have and the illnesses we are, are closely interrelated. Both can direct us toward healing and wholeness, toward living a more complete life. Illnesses intensify our need to focus on the work of creating an environment of healing and wholeness within ourselves.” ~Bud Harris, Ph.D. Radical Hope, p. 10.
The illness I have and the illness I am are both connected to the wounds my heart received in childhood and my subsequent search for healing and wholeness. Understanding and accepting myself with the help of Jungian psychology has been the calling of my adult life. Is this why I readily accepted my diagnosis? Or was it denial? I’m still not sure, but the trust and freedom from fear were welcome gifts.
When my cardiologist left, Fred called our daughter and son. They set into motion a chain of events I could never have imagined. Within minutes we agreed to go with Orlando Health Heart Institute, one of the top 50 best hospitals in the nation for heart care and only 11 miles from where we live. We also had the name of a highly recommended surgeon and an offer to contact him on my behalf from a doctor friend of my son’s who knows him well. Within two hours my daughter had delivered all my health records, including the ones from that day’s catheterization, to the surgeon’s office. The next day we had a surgery date and an appointment with him. My pre-op prep session was on New Year’s Eve day. On January the 2nd I had a triple bypass. My heart was in worse shape than the angiogram indicated.
In the ten days between my diagnosis and surgery, we spent Christmas afternoon and evening with our children, their spouses, and our grandchildren; watched the New Year’s Eve celebrations on TV in bed; and welcomed the beginning of a new year: 2025. Now here I am eight and a half weeks later, still surrounded by and leaning into an overwhelming concentration of love and care from my family and friends.
Despite the fact that he hadn’t brought so much as a toothbrush, razor, or change of clothes, Fred stayed with me in my room in the cardiac recovery ward the entire four days I was there. The nurses brought him blankets and pillows and arranged for him to be served meals. After my discharge he shopped, cooked, helped me with showers and dressing, and took me to almost every doctor’s appointment.
Meanwhile, my daughter made a list of people to update about my progress and organized the delivery of meals. After a few sleepless nights she ordered a comfortable lounge chair for me to sleep in that not only worked like a charm, but fits in our bedroom and matches the decor! My son took charge of organizing my complicated mix of medications into daily morning and evening doses. Both of them have driven me to doctor’s appointments and taken detailed notes.
As one who has never had a serious illness or been hospitalized for anything but childbirth, I’ve been surprised and overwhelmed by the outpouring of compassion and care I’ve received. What could have been a miserable ordeal has been a testament to the healing power of love. And now I know that even if I die tomorrow I’m going to be fine. It’s a matter of heart.
Note: Matter of Heart is the title of a highly recommended documentary about Carl Jung, a doctor of the soul.
Art Credit: Hearts, by Anthony Raffa III.
Paper and E-book versions of The Bridge to Wholeness and Dream Theatres of the Soul are at Amazon. The Wilbur Award-winning Healing the Sacred Divide can be found at Amazon and Larson Publications.com. Jean’s new Nautilus Award-winning The Soul’s Twins, is at Amazon and Schiffer’s Red Feather Mind, Body, Spirit. Subscribe to her newsletter at www.jeanbenedictraffa.com.
24 Responses
Jean, I wish you many more years of vitality and life … thank you for your wise and loving writings!
Thank you Karen. May it be so. I appreciate hearing from you. Jeanie
Dear Jeanie,
It’s wonderful to read your words today! Oh, how your spirit shines like a beacon, reminding me all of the strength and beauty in resilience and love. Through sharing your healing journey, you’ve unearthed such moving truths about the heart – not just as an organ of life, but as a source of vision and meaning.
For even in the face of fragility, you’ve shown how, lifted by the power of love and the grace of acceptance, the human spirit can rise. It’s inspiring to see how you’ve embraced this chapter of your life with such courage and wisdom, true croneology, I want to add.
May your days ahead be filled with the light of healing, the warmth of your family, and the quiet, steady strength that comes from a heart so beautifully attuned to life’s symphony. Thank you for sharing your beautiful song and your beautiful self with us.
You inspire all who are wise enough to listen.
All the love in my heart,
Deborah
Dear Deborah,
As always, your poetic sensibility lends depth and meaning to your message. Life’s symphony. I love that. And we each have our own part in it, written just for us, with dark passages and light, and time in between to rest and gather strength for the next passage.
I feel that this is partly what the last two months have been for me: a necessary withdrawal and gathering of energy for the next phase, whatever it holds. It has been my great pleasure and privilege to have the opportunity to share my song with you and so many others.
Thank you for listening.
Love, Jeanie
My dear Jeanie,
First, I am so happy to hear from you, as I have often thought about you and your health condition. This report is both exciting and horrifying, yet wise! However, it appears that you have navigated through that challenging period; I can only imagine how Fred and your children felt during that time. I hope all these circumstances serve you well and that everything unfolds positively for you.
To tell you about mine, actually it began harmlessly; only problems with the prostate and bladder, but now, as I carry three urine bags with me (one from my bladder and the other two from my kidneys), the doctors are talking about the probability of having a tumour inside my prostate. Anyway, I have to wait and cope with these three bags until April when my blood test and urine might show a better result, and then I will get surgery.
Nonetheless, we are both willing to navigate this situation as we are aware of our darker sides! I wish you all the best and send you love and strength. 💖💖😘
Thank you for the kind thoughts and good wishes, Aladin. I am happy to hear from you too; and so sorry to hear of your health issues.
I have a dear friend, older than me, who had his cancerous prostate removed many years ago and only grew stronger and wiser as a result. That’s not to say it was easy, and there were certainly dark times, but he speaks of the blessings of that time, and the many lessons and gifts it brought to him. May it be so for you, too, dear friend.
Sending love and strength to you,
Jeanie
Jean, You’re in my prayers as I read your essay. I just downloaded Matter of Heart which I plan to watch tomorrow on a flight. Wishing you heal your heart a little more each day as you recover in your easy chair. What a lovely family you have!
Thank you for your prayers, Candace. I’m thrilled to know you’ll be watching Matter of Heart! I’d love to know your reaction to it. Dr. Jung was such an extraordinary human being. An unparalleled force for healing. My easy chair was a blessing for a while, but I’m glad to report that I’m back in my bed now and sleeping better than ever! And thank you for the compliment about my family. It is indeed lovely. I am very lucky. Best, Jeanie
Dear Jeanie
I celebrate with you the success of your surgery and your ongoing healing. Your presence in the world is such a light and inspiration. I was so shocked as I read your post and realised all you’ve been through this year, and so relieved as I continued to read, that all had gone well.
My uncle had the same heart surgery you had, so I have a sense of the significant journey you’ve been on. You stand as a witness to the powerful healing of both body and soul. May you go from strength to strength as you continue to heal and regain all your shining vitality.
Much love
Cheryl de Beer
Thank you, Cheryl. My year certainly did start off with a shocking twist, didn’t it!? I’m just glad to still be here to learn from it. A big thing I’ve learned that I didn’t share here is to relax my expectations of myself and allow myself to rest without feeling guilty about it! The Protestant work ethic I grew up under has been a heavy burden for me. I’m glad to let it go. (I hope I’ve let it go!)
I think that’s one of my heart’s messages to me through all this: “Slow down. It’s time to stop trying to manage your life and start appreciating and loving it!”
Love, Jeanie
Wow – thanks for sharing, Jean. Lovely story of your peace in the midst of the unknown and a sea of love. I pray you are doing well and recovery has brought you to a position of strength and energy better than before your surgery. John and I purchased an old farm house over near Brevard. If you summer in the mountains this year, I would love to visit with you. Kindest regards, Jen
Thank you, Jennifer. It’s lovely to hear from you. Although I have a way to go, I am feeling very well. You have an old farm house in Brevard? Neat! We do plan to summer in NC as usual and I would love to visit. Let’s plan on it! Thank you for writing. Jeanie
Wishing you speedy healing and many more years of sharing your wisdom with the world. Your dreamwork has been a source of inspiration and strength to me. Thank you!
Hi Pamela. You’re very welcome. Thank you for writing, and for your good wishes. I’m so pleased to know my dreamwork has had a positive influence on you. I assume you’ve read Dream Theatres of the Soul. Although all my books come straight from my heart, Dream Theatres IS me, heart and soul. At least as I was when I wrote it so many years ago. I still continue to work on and learn from my dreams. I can no more stop than I can stop breathing. It is my anchor and lifeline. Blessings to you on your own inner work. Jeanie
Dear Mrs. Raffa, Dr. King said that darkness cannot come out of darkness, only light can. Your legacy will shine for a long time to come. I have learned much wisdom from you. I learned about Croneology from one of your readers. A quote from another website, ““God I love the word Crone!” – SAID NO WOMAN EVER. Chronology may have you there, but I see you more as the Colombia Picture Symbol (archetype) of a intelligent woman uphold the light of truth and wisdom. As it is said of you, “You inspire all who are willing to listen.” I seek the same. Blessings, Bill
Dear. Rev. Dr. Hill,
I love your Dr. King quote. As it happens, I’m reading his biography, King: a Life, by Jonathan Eig right now. It’s fascinating.
I appreciate knowing you’ve found sustenance for your soul on my blog and I’m grateful for your positive regard. And Wow. Being compared to the Columbia Pictures symbol is high praise, indeed. I see her as an image of the Wise Woman archetype too. Thank you for that. I’m honored.
Blessings, Jeanie
What a way to start a new year! Glad to know you were in good hands and are recovering from bypass surgery. Wishing you all the best!
Thank you, Jill. Yes, it was a rather dramatic entry into 2025! Not one I would have necessarily chosen for myself in my life’s drama. . . . . Haha. I appreciate your good wishes. Jeanie
Sending you a tender hug, Jean.
We understand so little about this wondrous world, yet life continuously reveals a deeper understanding of ourselves, and others, often by slowing us down. Soak up the love of friends and your amazing family ♥
Thank you for the virtual hug, Ashen. It gives me the warm fuzzies.
Yes, there’s much to be gained from being forcibly slowed down. Life’s greatest blessings are all around us if we take the time to absorb them.
What’s happened with your latest book? Has it been published yet? If so, do post a link here so I and others can find it!
Blessings, Jeanie
Thanks for asking. ‘Shapers’ was the latest novel published, with the help of my son. https://www.troubador.co.uk/bookshop/sci-fi/shapers/
I have a third book in the trilogy on a slow go, but feel a little disillusioned – not sure there are readers out there. Can’t afford promotion.
Okay, thanks. I’ve read the first two. I was asking about the third. I thought maybe I’d missed it during my health hiatus. I’m sorry to hear it’s in limbo. I wish you luck with it.
Jeanie, we never know how we are going to react to the kind of life-threatening news you received that day, or the consequences. I can’t help but believe that all the rich (and difficult) inner work you have been doing, for as long as I’ve known you, paved the way for you to proceed with faith. The love you received reminds me of this line from the Wizard of Oz to the Tin Man: “The heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others.” xxoo Diane
Oh my, Diane. These two observations bring me to my virtual knees! Thank you, from the virtual bottom of my very real heart, for your affirming words. They have touched me deeply. Love, Jeanie