The obvious analogy, in the psychic sphere, to this problem of opposites is the dissociation of the personality brought about by the conflict of incompatible tendencies . . . The repression of one of the opposites leads only to a prolongation and extension of the conflict, in other words, to a neurosis. The therapist therefore confronts the opposites with one another and aims at uniting them permanently. ~ C.G. Jung, CW, Mysterium Coniunctionis. Vol.14, p. xiv

Carl Jung lived in militarily neutral Switzerland amidst the chaos and devastation of World Wars I and II. During that time he struggled to understand the mystery and paradox of the coexisting opposites within himself and humanity. After years of study, journaling, analysis, examination of the symbolic meaning of his dreams, holding imaginative inner dialogues between his ego and conflicting aspects of his personality, and identifying his projections of his shadow onto others (and helping others do the same), he found that facing our inner realities on a consistent basis results in a gradual dissipation of conflict and a naturally emerging inner union.  He concluded that the problem of opposites is the most important issue facing the future of humanity.  We can contribute to uniting the world by healing ourselves.

In the history of humankind the differentiation of man and woman belongs among the earliest and most impressive projections of opposites, and early humankind took the male and the female as the prototype of opposites in general.”  ~Erich Neumann, Ego and God-Image: Part III

Historically, every culture has associated pairs of opposites with males and females: i.e. light and dark, fire and water, hard and soft, logic and compassion, work and relationship, etc., as if they were confined to only one gender. In reality, all of us contain every potential these and other arbitrary distinctions represent. But because patriarchy strictly defines us based on these labels, it dismisses all who do not identify solely with one side of the divide, and maintains the imbalanced social roles of men and women in favor of men. Thus, sexism in its more subtle and violent forms, i.e. misogyny, is a widespread cause of conflict in the U.S. and many other countries.

There are no easy solutions. Inner work may be the most difficult of all because it entails a great deal of self-examination and suffering and compels us to make choices that can adversely affect our relationships. But as Jung discovered, it’s the only thing that works. Knowledge is not enough. Pretending solves nothing. Repressing is even worse, because it “leads only to a prolongation and extension of the conflict, in other words, to a neurosis.”

We’re tempted to say, “I’m just one person. How can I possibly change anything?” Well, you can’t change others but you definitely can change yourself. And your inner changes will influence your choices and actions and everyone you touch. I know this sounds idealistic, but after 35 years of inner work I’m living proof that it works. It hasn’t completely resolved all my conflicts and probably never will. But I like myself now, and I’m  more comfortable in my relationships than I’ve ever been or ever expected to be. And although I’ve been hurt by sexism and misogyny, my rage has shrunk to a level of annoyance that no longer has adverse effects on me or anyone else.

The reruns of Mad Men were initially painful to watch because of the uncomfortable memories and emotions this realistic series evokes. But fortunately, the characters are evolving, just like me. And writing about misogyny and reading your comments has also brought relief. Once again I’m reminded of the healing power of tearing down my walls and opening my heart. I suppose that’s a lesson we all have to keep learning until we can accept  and forgive our whole selves for being human.

In closing, I want to include some comments that readers made to these posts about misogyny. Each of them touched me deeply and made me feel less alone.

Deborah wrote:

“While my mother didn’t die in body, she perished in spirit from all the abuse inflicted on her by my father (up until her death three years ago), which is why I also remember reacting with immense shock and sadness over Bambi’s mother’s death. I couldn’t articulate it at the time, but at six years old watching that film, I somehow realised that even though I lived with a mother, I was without one.”

Aladin wrote:

“I must also admit that I mostly held back my words as a child. Although that may have other reasons, such as my mother’s silence about my father’s death (she lied to us and said that he was travelling) or something else I don’t know. I still have difficulty expressing myself verbally.”

Paula wrote:

“It was hard for me to read your post this morning. I grew up in the same time period and experienced a lot of similar things. I worry for our children and our children’s children. There seems, even after all women’s rights changes since the 70’s, to be a lot of misogyny in our culture. The news of hatred towards women in other countries is unimaginable.”

Susan wrote:

“Like you, I remember many seemingly small incidents that still reverberate in my mind. There was an anger that I didn’t recognize and couldn’t express. I was fortunate that my parents did not hold the old stereotypes and encouraged me to be a full and independent person.”

Bill wrote:

“Evil comes forth when ignorance and immaturity are blended with greed, fear, and lust. My mother lost her job because she would not go to bed with her boss. Unconscious men mistake nurturing and service for slavery. . . Men’s belief in entitlement blocks any meaning of a gift of love.”

Lynnea wrote:

“I hear people say the ’50s were the good old days, yes for men, no for women. Of course, it is still going on but there is a growing awareness. Just as horses are prey animals so were women in “the good old days” when we grew up.”

Elaine said this about what happened after a man exposed himself to her in public:

“. . . it made a big difference that I could talk to my mother and get honest answers and advice about what to do without a sense of shame. She was direct about sex education . . . I now realize my dad’s illness and death were harder for her to discuss than sex and misogyny. I was protected without being cloistered, but there was still a sense of danger after reaching puberty.”

In light of tomorrow’s election, I offer this 12-minute podcast about how the politics of misogyny in late 20^th century America are currently influencing voters.

Jean Raffa’s The Bridge to Wholeness and Dream Theatres of the Soul are at Amazon. Healing the Sacred Divide can be found at Amazon and Larson Publications, Inc. Jean’s new Nautilus Award-winning The Soul’s Twins, is at  Amazon and Schiffer’s Red Feather Mind, Body, Spirit. Subscribe to her newsletter at www.jeanbenedictraffa.com.