What is misogyny? Here’s a random sample of definitions and descriptions from the internet:
Misogyny is hatred of, contempt for, or prejudice against women or girls. It is a form of sexism that can keep women at a lower social status than men, thus maintaining the social roles of patriarchy. Misogyny has been widely practiced for thousands of years.
Misogyny is typically an unconscious hatred that men form early in life, often because of trauma from a female figure they trusted. A misogynistic male can be competitive with women, likes to control them sexually, and may suddenly leave the relationship without ending it.
Misogyny is belittling women or girls in conversation, such as using sexist nicknames or derogatory remarks. Seeking to control women’s behavior. Using intimidating or humiliating behavior to destroy a woman’s self-confidence and undermine her.
What are some effects of misogyny?
Treating women differently from men in social and professional settings. Threatening, aggressive, intimidating, or violent behavior. Pursuing unwanted sexual comments or advances, including catcalling, stalking, staring, touching, taking pictures without consent, exposure to sexual assault and rape.
Women do not only have to deal with the experience of abuse, but they also must cope with its mental health consequences: emotional distress, depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PSTD). Studies have shown that women experiencing abuse are at greater risk of mental health disorders.
This is no surprise to me or any woman in this country. It makes me furious at the men who blame the women they abuse, saying they were asking for it because they were all alone in an isolated place. Or because of the way they talked or dressed. Really? Asking to be abused by a man they hoped to get a little respect and kindness from? Are these men crazy? Are they stupid, selfish, and totally lacking in character and self-awareness? Are they clueless because they were abused by the brutal attitudes and behaviors of fathers who were themselves abused by a one-sided culture that devalues and fears all things soft, tender, receptive, and feminine?
I’ve never been raped, but I have been physically violated on five occasions when males pinched my bottom in situations where they hoped to get away with it. I’ve also experienced men being dismissive, patronizing, demanding, controlling, and insistent in ways that made me very uncomfortable. They never seemed to realize it. You might think these things are harmless, but I don’t experience them as harmless. If you assume I must be overly sensitive to this issue, you may be right.
But I have good reason.
The same year I learned about rape I was given a dream in which my hero, the Lone Ranger shot me. (You can read a post about it here.) I see this now as a message from the Self, a calling to my soul’s purpose in life: to raise collective consciousness about the plague of misogyny. Years later I met the Jungian analyst Linda Leonard and her husband, a psychiatrist. He told me this dream image suggested sexual violation. Although I was not consciously aware of it, I had obviously absorbed the message from my culture that men, even heroes, could be violent and cruel and get away with it. Women, even kind and innocent ones, were victims. I knew this in my gut—the place where the Lone Ranger’s silver bullet shattered my innocence—and the wound has festered in my unconscious ever since.
Does this feel wrong to you? Does it make you angry? I think it should. It does me. I hate how the misogynistic attitudes I’ve been exposed to all my life make me self-conscious around some men and wary of others. I hate worrying about whether men have critical thoughts or ulterior motives toward me. I hate how misogyny has stifled my voice and constrained my choices and actions. I hate that I carry around a deep well of hurt that I still can’t shake off. I hate that sometimes I project my anger onto men, and occasionally women, whose unconscious misogynistic attitudes still hurt me. And I hate what rampant misogyny has done to our country.
Misogyny is a poison as infectious, harmful, and pervasive as a pandemic. It destroys the body, mind, innocence, and soul of anyone exposed to it. And that’s pretty much all of us. It separates and divides. It pits not only males against females but also “our” people against “other” people who are different. I’m outraged at the elected men and women who are so contaminated by misogyny that they believe it’s their right to restrict the reproductive rights of women. This mentality gets more pleasure in controlling others than in healing or freeing them to serve the needs of their own bodies and families, to answer the calls of their own souls.
Most of all I’m deeply offended by the sanctimonious claims of misogynists who seem to truly believe they’re being “good Christians.” As if Jesus Christ himself would have sanctioned their poisoned laws and mentalities. Talk about deluded. Jesus was a rebel, a man who dined with prostitutes, who angrily repudiated usurious money lenders. He stood for love and the value of every single person, and it didn’t make any difference to him if they were lepers or adulteresses.
It’s not just women who suffer the poisonous effects of misogyny. All of us experience them. What’s your story?
(To be continued . . . )
Art Credit: Antonio Polladuilo, (1470-1480) Wikipedia Commons
Jean Raffa’s The Bridge to Wholeness and Dream Theatres of the Soul are at Amazon. Healing the Sacred Divide can be found at Amazon and Larson Publications, Inc. Jean’s new Nautilus Award-winning The Soul’s Twins, is at Amazon and Schiffer’s Red Feather Mind, Body, Spirit. Subscribe to her newsletter at www.jeanbenedictraffa.com.
10 Responses
Dear Jeanie,
Can you hear that? That’s the sound of tens of thousands of hands clapping! Great job, my dear friend, what a superb article you’ve written here! In pure coincidence, I’ve just completed reading two of Linda S. Leonard’s amazing books. In my own small way, and mostly through my “Animus Diet” essays, I’m trying to address this imbalance between women and men. For divided against others, or even worse, divided against ourselves … this sacred division must be repaired.
In my wildest dreams, I envision a circular table with all the world’s leaders coming together for a workshop on how to heal these divides. Where wars, above and below, are eventually seen from a different perspective than their current ones. An impossible dream? We’ll see. Hopefully, in the years we have left, we can continue to spread this central message … that there are no winners with the poison of misogyny. Let us all find the secret stair so we may descend and heal.
Love and hope, Deborah
Dear Deborah,
You’ve got me chuckling fondly as I reread your first two sentences, then pick up on your references to Healing the Sacred Divide. As an author who writes with the hope of healing the divides in myself and helping others identify and heal theirs, being read and knowing one has managed to contribute to our collective healing is music to my ears. Hmm. Maybe I should write another book: Making Music with Your Life. Or something like that . . . With all that music and clapping going on, I envision those world leaders sitting together amidst one glorious cosmic concert. Seriously, I love how you poets inspire imaginative images and word play. Speaking of, I look forward to the publication of your newest book, Croneology, which I am sure will be packed with both.
Haven’t we been fortunate to live in a time when women like Linda Leonard, Jean Shinoda Bolen, Marion Woodman, Toni Morrison, Marie Louise Von-Franz, Helen Luke, June Singer, Maya Angelou, Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Mary Oliver, Zora Neale Hurston (she lived here in Central Florida, three miles away from our home; if you haven’t read Their Eyes Were Watching God, you must!!) and so many other gifted women writers were taken seriously enough to be published and read by millions? If the world is ever to be changed for the better, I believe it is the women–and the men who love, respect, and encourage them–who will do it.
Blessings on your continuing efforts to create healing beauty, and thank you so much for writing.
Love and hope, Jeanie
A cosmic concert, I love this idea Jeanie! Yes, what a fortunate time and world we live in. To be here and know that the Divine Feminine is rising, rising, rising and to have met so many beautiful, wise souls in this lifetime already. Several in person but so many, many, many more (including characters) in books! Oh, I haven’t read that particular book yet, so I’m off to explore more about Zora now as I value your book recommendations highly. Love and blessings to you dear Jeanie. I’m already looking forward to your next post in this very interesting series.
It is so good to see the women rising. And to learn about them from books has been a huge gift to the world. Jane Austen, Louisa May Alcott, and the Bronte sisters were my early role models, but they’ve been followed by a tsunami of brilliant feminine souls, each of which has shed more light on the shadow of patriarchy. You’ll love Zora Neale Hurston. She was a beacon of compassion, creativity and courage that prepared the way in the U.S. Love and blessings, Jeanie
It makes me angry, even as a man! I think your dream about that hero shows your inner awakening; you subconsciously knew those aren’t really heroes, and you saw the truth in your dream.
In general, I believe this ill-mindedness comes from complexes inside those (young) men, in which they are suffering, and they try by using this eternal disease in our society, patriarchy, to calm their pains! I experience it as I confront the Iranians who think they are fighting against the Islamic regime under the motto “women, live, freedom.” Still, their jokes and mean mockery are significantly against women!! I feel sorry for this unthinking and hope it will improve soon.
PS: I am glad you survived that massive hurricane, my dear Jeane. Sincerely, Aladin💖🥰
Dear Aladin. I think you’re absolutely right about my dream. And I agree with your assessment of how the pain inflicted by toxic patriarchy on masculinity as well as femininity unconsciously supports and perpetuates misogyny in young males, even as they decry it. I believe that the more models that our young people are exposed to of heathy, kind, and compassionate femininity and masculinity is the only way to improve this situation. This puts the responsibility for positive change on each one of us and hinges on our willingness to work to attain self-knowledge and self-love. The world problem is an individual problem. Thank you for being such a positive role model for others in your own work. Blessings, Jeanie
The world problem is an individual problem; I love it! Coincidentally, I mentioned something similar in one of my comments to those youths!!😉🙏💖
I think we’ve both stumbled on an important truth, my friend. I first heard it from Krishnamurti. A great teacher. By the way, I’ve missed some of your most recent posts but hope to catch up soon. For others who are interested, here’s the address of your wonderful blog: https://lampmagician.com Blessings in your work. Jeanie
I have just read your second article on misogyny after reading the first as well and they both resonated sharply, I was born in 1967, in England , grew up in the Caribbean which is a very misogynistic culture, and have been living in central Florida since 2012. I have definitely many stories I too can relate to in terms of sexism.
Actually I think one of the things that is bothering me the most these days is to see the macho bro mentality being fostered by Trump, right wing media, Elon Musk, the Joe Rogan podcast and others. This election cycle has been horrible with the way the candidate has spoken about Kamala being low iq, dumb, a bitch, a ‘C’ word, a whore. Women saying she had slept her way to the top, this in the year of 2024 in America. There were t-shirts being sold saying ‘Don’t vote for the ho’ and children were also wearing them. It makes me so angry and so very sad. And then to think that it became a big thing about husbands not letting their wives vote for Trump or their wives having to hide it, or husbands making sure their wives got mail in ballots, so they could ensure she was voting for Trump.
There has been so much misogyny in this election cycle, I feel like America is moving backwards in so many ways, and now that the election is over, and a ‘strong’ misogynistic man who has vowed to protect women whether they like it or not has won, it seems to me like misogyny has also won and is on the rise. And it breaks my heart and spirit, shatters it actually.
But still, we shall rise and there are many men that are good and not misogynistic
Thank you for this post
Diana
Dear Diana,
Welcome to my blog, and thank you for joining this discussion.
You’ve cited some excellent examples of misogyny above that we haven’t addressed here yet. Somehow I missed those awful slurs about Kamala. But then I found so much of the political talk so distressing these days that I tended to avoid it as much as I could. . . until I finally decided I wanted to face the issue of misogyny directly here! It’s an issue I feel very strongly about! It breaks my heart too. And wounds my soul.
And a hearty YES to your observation that there are many men who are good and not misogynistic. My husband is one of them. And so are my son and his three sons. I’m deeply grateful for the many others I’ve met. They are making an extremely valuable difference in our society.
I’m writing this on Nov. 7 after the election is over, and after seeing your initial comment to the post that came out on Nov. 6. Thank you again for sharing your thoughts. They make a difference too.
With love and gratitude,
Jeanie