Your personality was shaped by messages that came from outside of you. Much of what you were taught about the “correct” actions and attitudes, and much of what you did in response, goes against the grain of your soul. Your artificially conditioned conscious attitude (your ego), combined with the parts of yourself you disowned (your […]
Every human being yearns for love. But like all life, we are still evolving, and we haven’t come close enough to full consciousness yet.
I didn’t know why I was so restless and unhappy sometimes. I thought being a producer of children’s programming at a local television station would be a dream job. But when I was honest with myself, I knew there was nothing I really liked about it except creating the show and writing the original scripts for the children I hired. What was that about? I had no idea. I had spent years expecting my religion to satisfy my longing, but that was not enough either. In my worst moments I believed I was so deeply flawed that I would never be satisfied with my life.
Okay. Time for a confession. Until recently I’ve been quite mature about aging. I’ve pumped myself with platitudes like, Why fight the inevitable? It’s just a number. Accept it with grace. Be kind to yourself. It’s a phase everyone goes through…if they’re lucky enough to live that long. Stay active. You can still be a useful member of society. Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera…. Then, about halfway into my 70th year, the s**t hit the fan.
Around 35 years ago, my husband’s youngest brother, Tony, called us late one night from college to tell us he was gay. My first reaction was surprise. This was in the late seventies, when homosexuality was still so closeted that the average straight person rarely thought about it, let alone openly encountered it.